Twelve Days of Christmas... buahaha

Geez..christmas is here soon. Most of the shopping malls have already started playing the Christmas Jingles. The Twelve Days of Christmas used to be one of the jingles that fascinated me the most as I can never ever remember what my True love will bring me after the 5 Golden Rings. Even until today, I still struggle to remember all those gifts my True love brings...but that was before an ex-Uni mate sent me this yesterday. Now, I will surely be able to remember them hahaha....

12 Days of Christmas


December 14, 1992

My dearest darling John:
Who ever in the whole world would dream of getting a real Partridge in
a Pear Tree? How can I ever express my pleasure.
Thank you a hundred times for thinking of me this way.

My love always,
Agnes





December 15, 1992

Dearest John:
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two turtle
doves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift.
They are just adorable.

All my love,
Agnes





December 16, 1992

Dear John:
Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one. Now I must protest. I don't deserve
such generosity, three French hens. They are just darling but I must
insist, you've been too kind.

All my love,
Agnes





December 17, 1992

Dear John:
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they are
beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough. You are being too
romantic.

Affectionately,
Agnes





December 18, 1992

Dearest John:
What a surprise. Today the postman delivered five golden rings, one for
every finger. You're just impossible, but I love it.
Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.

All my love,
Agnes





December 19, 1992

Dear John:
When I opened the door today there were actually six geese laying on my
front steps. So you're back to the birds again huh?
These geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are
complaining and I can't sleep through the racket.
Please stop.

Cordially,
Agnes





December 20, 1992

John:
What's with you and those freaking birds?? Seven swans a swimming. What
kind of damn joke is this? There's bird poop all over the house and
they never stop the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck.
It's not funny. So stop those freaking birds.

Sincerely,
Agnes





December 21, 1992

O.K. Buster:
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with 8 maids
amilking? It's not enough with all those birds and 8 maids a milking,
but they had to bring their damn cows.
There is manure all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house.
Just lay off me, smartass.

Agnes





December 22, 1992

Hey Shithead:
What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing. And
Christ do they play. They've never stopped chasing those maids since
they got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset and they're
stepping all over those screeching birds.
What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict
me.

You'll get yours !
Agnes





December 23, 1992

You rotten prick:
Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why I call those sluts
ladies. They've been balling those pipers all night long.
Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a
river of shit. The Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give
cause why the building shouldn't be condemned.
I'm calling the police on you !

Agnes





December 24, 1992

Listen Fuckhead:
What's with those eleven lords a leaping on those maids and ladies?
Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran through the maids
and have been committing sodomy with the cows. All twenty-three of the
birds are dead. They've been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're
satisfied, you rotten vicious swine.

Your sworn enemy,
Agnes





December 25, 1992

Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling
which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein.
The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come
to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McHolstein at Happy
Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have been instructed to shoot you on sight.
With this letter please find attached a warrant for your arrest.

Cordially,
Law Offices of Badger, Bender and Chole

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